Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Developing a my Loving, Self-Nurturing, Inner mommy Voice


I talk to a lot of people who need to conquer a nasty inner voice that degrades and belittles them. I suffer from a little voice that belittle at times as well. How do I break down my emotional walls that keep me from soaring? It’s time to develop my own kind “internal mother” voice.

Whenever I hear a baby cry I sit up and take notice. I pay attention.

In the past I had learned to be an excellent caregiver to my family and for people that I met but I didn't know how to love and care for myself!

One of the most difficult things for me to do was to love me—in practice. To admit I was emotionally unhealthy—that I needed help. To take care of MY NEEDS required spending time on me! I finally HAD to put my needs on the list—first things first—and slow down and stop fixing everyone else. THAT was hard to do.

A day at a time, I'm falling in love with myself AS I AM. I'm respecting myself and treating myself with gentleness. I'm no longer willing to harm myself for ANYone or ANYthing.

When I find myself experiencing deep inner suffering, distress, or overwhelm, I pause and tune within and ask myself what is going on. I use loving self-talk and ask myself, what do I need to feel better?

When a baby cries, you pay attention.

So… if I were that distraught little person what would I say as a comforting mom to make it all better? Maybe the conversation would go like this:

Oh, sweetheart, what is the matter? What do you need? I am here for you.

(pause)

I will not abandon you and I love you.

(pause)

I hear that you are in pain. Can you tell me about it? Take your time.

(pause)

I will always be here for you.

OK… I have to admit I am not all that loving and nurturing. LOL. It usually comes out more sarcastic. “What is the matter with you? Buck up!” But I am trying hard to do better before all of my kids are out of the house. I might as well practice on myself too.

It feels a bit odd and unnatural at first. But I keep working at it. Hey! If I can beat myself up and can certainly pick myself up and give me a hug.

The process of healing emotional eating and emotional sitting can be summarized in a few simple steps:

Step I: Recognize it—observe it—notice that something is wrong. Something hurts. I don’t know what it is, so I just check it out.

Step 2: Accept it and look deeply—I no longer deny it; I accept whatever is in the present, ready to make a change for the future.

Step 3: Then evaluate it—what is causing it? Is it physical, emotional? Just like a doctor that evaluates an illness, I can tune-in to myself and notice the symptoms. What patterns do I have in my life that are causing the distress? Notice my habits.

Step 4: Take action. Encourage yourself to move forward… seek a change of heart…. Draw closer to the source of true peace and light

I also need to consider what nutrients (daily choices) are creating and sustaining my little voice? Notice—be mindful of— which nutrients are creating the symptoms that I am presently experiencing…

• Food nutrients? What am I eating or drinking can bring about distress in my body and mind. Do I cook and shop and eat with awareness? Just notice.

• Sense nutrients? Sights, sounds, smells, tastes, feelings of body or thoughts of mind? Am I always in constant contact with sense objects. They are food for my mind and emotions. Notice if certain objects stimulate my cravings and misery.

• Intention/Motivation nutrients? Choose to be aware of what motivates me. What do I think will bring me happiness? Do those things really bring lasting happiness?

• Nutrients stored in our subconscious? My past actions—all of my habits of body, speech, and mind are stored in my subconscious. Through repetition, these choices become unconscious and automatic. Which habits for me are creating the problems?

I can practice the path towards well-being. After I identify the kinds of nutrients that have been feeding my distress, I simply can stop ingesting them! I can't expect difficulties to go away by themselves. I have to DO something! (GO and DO) … and NOT DO other things. (Reminds me more and more of repentance) .

So that is the plan. Simple. Now to keep going at working the plan.

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