Monday, June 13, 2011

A bit of a RANT

I have struggled terribly with my weight since I hit puberty… maybe even before that. I can’t remember that far back. In HS I had to kill myself exercising just so I could stay the "overweight friend" in school and serve as the “bench warmer” of the volleyball team. Recently, a person from church told me that any overweight woman, was obviously not keeping the Word of Wisdom. CRUSHING BLOW. :( Seriously, at times I work much harder than many of my skinny, cute, junk-eating friends, yet I never looked like they did, and now I was "less worthy" and "less righteous" than them as well! It’s been the motivation to sit on my duff as of late.

Now, 5 kids later, and many sizes bigger, I am eating healthier than I have EVER eaten in my life! (In college I even went on a 1,000 calorie diet, though most days I only ate about 600 calories a day! [Eek!] ) By the time I had had a couple kids I was consuming NO processed foods, no sugar, whole grain wheat and grains, lots of organic produce, etc., etc… yet I remain plump.

I have come to the conclusion that FAT does NOT equal "UNHEALTHY." The Lord NEVER stated that we should weigh within certain limits. You can't tell me that the person who has gastric bypass surgery is healthier than me, just because they're now thin! But I am doing lots of things to be healthy! Even if my body refuses to reflect my efforts.

Being a fat person stinks. I hate being judged and ignored because I don't look perfect on the outside. People often look right past me and ignore me, until they hear my comments about something, or get to know me better. Then it's like they've finally noticed I exist. It hurts, but I know that it is simply human nature. We DO judge people based on appearance… even if countless “grandpa” have been quoted, “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” I just wish I knew what I could do differently to change my appearance. I’ve tried it all. I have wasted years in the past obsessing and crying over every pound, and I'm not going to do that anymore. Instead, I will focus on eating to feel good and moving for the sake of moving (since exercise is not in my top 10 things to do for fun).

I've heard it said that fat people show their weaknesses externally. I have, after many years, decided that this is just one of my trials in life. It is something I have to bear on this earth, but look out-- in the resurrection, I'm gonna be drop-dead-gorgeous! ;)

In the meantime, I'm so grateful for the internet, so now I can have a voice without having to help people get past my appearance. I am NOT less righteous because I am fat. I just get to wear one of my trials on my body, for all to see.

Try that on for size.


  1. Thanks for sharing this. Knowing how someone else feels and learning from your personal perspective is a valuable lesson. We need to have grace with each other and to realize that we really don't know what another person has been through until we've walked in his/her shoes. Very enlightening.

  2. I frickin love you woman. I think you are amazing. I Believe I am the one who said I just wear my weakness on my external size. I am amazing and beautiful just as you are. I am proud to call you friend. I have lost a tremendous amount of weight in the past (8years ago) and truly didn't like the person it made me. I became vain and obsessed with how I looked I hated the way I looked even more than before. This time, as I loose the weight slowly and healthily with you as my cheerleader and my naturopath guiding me I am trying to focus on the health part of it and not be obsessive or vain. Pride is a much deadlier sin than those who obviously feel it is their responsibility to share their thoughts on the Words of Wisdom... I am guessing although I don't know that whomever shared this is simply insecure about some other aspect of the gospel. You however are a pillar of knowledge and strength when it comes to all things Gospel related. <3 U!

  3. Holy Crap Batman, I can't believe someone would say that!! It is a funny thing indeed how we feel compelled to point out others 'weaknesses' so that we can mask our own! I too find the weight thing a mystery, but the one thing that isn't mysterious is living as healthy as we can and I think you are doing a bang up job of it! Someday, perhaps, I will do as well as you do. Until then, I will drink my green smoothie with a chocolate chip cookie chaser..... I love you friend!!!