Monday, February 4, 2013

Gospel Study - Where Is the Pavilion?

It's been a tough couple of days... very little sleep, sick kids, and a show to open all in one weekend.  I love what I do, but I have to admit it is all exhausting.

Today I read President Henry B. Eyring's talk, Where Is the Pavilion?

Great talk!

I have felt this feeling of abandonment... wondering where is God and where are the answers to my prayers and the desires of my heart.   Although I feel the darkness closing in, I know that "God is never hidden..."

I learned something from this thought:

"... sometimes we are, covered by a pavilion of motivations that draw us away from God and make Him seem distant and inaccessible,  Our own desires, rather than a feeling of'Thy will be done.' create the feeling of a pavilion blocking God."

It figures.  It is my own fault.  I know that I often get it into my head that I know better.  silly.

My biggest problem is that I fall into the trap of insisting on my own time table!

Take all the things I pray for:  better health... smaller body... my son's heart softened... my darkest thoughts gone and a complete feeling of security and trust.  But they don't seem to come.  I want them NOW.  But it is not time... I guess.  I did have to fast and pray every Sunday for over 2 years for Lillian to bless our family.

Somethings I want so badly that I forget God works on His time.  I get caught up in thinking that I am not good at prayer, that I am praying for the wrong thing, and sometimes I don't pray at all.... because the answer it taking so long.

"The Lord's delays often seem long; some last a lifetime.  But they are always calculated to bless."

I might not ever get to be thin, or healthy, or be able to get out of a car or bed without pain.  I may never see my son return to the gospel of Jesus Christ. I may never feel safe in my relationships.  At least in this life.

I just have to accept that and embrace that.

I can do that.

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